ACC

College Football Week 9: Two Mississippi, One Mississippi...

Ah, Mississippi. It was a good run for you.You discovered that America is still totally cool with the racism inherent in virtually everything associated with your school, and the fact that your state is the olemilk.0closest thing the U.S. has to a third world country. You were able to forget that your state has no pro sports and really no good reason for anyone to visit. Then it all came crashing down because of a dumbass decision at the end of Saturday's game. I don't blame this southern belle for her reaction in the least.

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Famous (for being a moron) Jameis does more moronic things; FSU gently places hand on his wrist

Dear readers, allow me if you will to abandon the editorial "we" and step into the first person for a paragraph or so. I've been a sports fan since I was old enough to understand the term, and an occasionally productive member of society and the workforce for more than two decades now (Yes, I'm the token old man as well as the token male here at Eligible Receiver. Get off my damn lawn.). In that time, I've come to believe strongly that the key to long-term success in hiring and recruiting in any sport or business is this: intelligence is more important than talent. Jameis Winston, Heisman winner, national champion, and crab leg lover, has plenty of the latter, but the former is clearly lacking.

"Dear God, please help... nahhh, my bad, I'm good."

"Dear God, please help... nahhh, my bad, I'm good."

Exhibit A: In case you haven't heard, Jameis made the conscious decision, while apparently sober, to stand on a table in the middle of the Florida State University campus and shout "Fuck her right in the p--!" Many witnesses were present, and their Tweets are the only good thing about this incident.

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College Recap Week 9: Cocks, Chokes, and Katherine Webb

Writer's note: she can wear jorts if she wants to.

"I ran out & screamed so I wldn't wake my kids, came in & realized I scared em half to death, rocked em 2 sleep again singin."

"I went to the fridge and took a long draw off the "Pepto-bismooth" bottle!"

Those words are from Victoria Boyce and Kimberly Tuten, Gamecock fans, on Twitter, describing her reaction to South Carolina's win over Missouri Saturday. Why do we love college football? Because kids who are not getting paid beg for a chance to play in pain because they want it that much. Because an entire season can come down to a missed 24-yard field goal by a sophomore kicker in Week 9.

In a related note, why do we hate college football? Because an entire season can come down to a missed 24-yard field goal by a sophomore kicker in Week 9. "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."

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College Recap Week 6: Bad Picks, Bad Clowney, and Rejection

UGA gets Missouri next week. We haven't forgotten.
Actually, ignore this. Go ahead and panic and ignore the turtle.

Actually, ignore this. Go ahead and panic and ignore the turtle.

I must begin this week with a confession: my name is Allen, and I picked Maryland to beat Florida State. I was swayed by the feminine wiles of a fellow writer. This is what happens when you're a token male. In my defense, I'm still 19-7 overall in college picks this season, so if you're gambling based on my suggestions (and I know you are), your thumbs are most likely unbroken as of now.

Moving on, then, from a Terrapin team that didn't show up to a Gamecock who showed up but refused to play.

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College Recap Week 5: Dawgs On Top, Kiffin Off the Bus, and Derek Dooley

lane2

laneBefore we begin mocking Lane Kiffin, let us pause and reflect on these facts: he is 38 years old. He is rich beyond the wildest dreams of the average person. And despite his complete failure at job after job, he will inevitably be a head coach again. None of those things are true of us, but there is this: we've never been pulled off a bus and fired in an airport parking lot.

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College Recap Week 3: Roald Dahl, Motel 6, Dumb Cheeseheads, and That A&M Guy

It's coming again. Be prepared.
It's coming again. Be prepared.

Johnny Double Heisman. It's coming. Be prepared.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Let's just get this out of the way: Johnny Manziel is the best college football player in the world. That's right, not just America, the world. Even redshirt junior Jean-Paul Nexistepas of the Sorbonne can't compare.

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Eligible Receiver's Sideline Picks: College Edition Week 1

beast-lattimore

Each week, I and the other college football gals (when we get 'em, still lookin') are going to pick 5-10 games that have everyone's interest peaked. Don't worry, the same thing is happening for the NFL and we are already trash talking about who is going to win this season's picks. Keep reading to read about this week's college picks and my thoughts on the USC/Vandy game last night. The return of football had me squeeing.

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