Houston Texans

Sideline Picks: NFL Week 1

Bengals @ Ravens

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
If there's a God, She must hate the Ravens by now, right? They unveiled a statue of Ray Lewis, though it lacks accuracy since he's not standing over murdered people. I'm sure a Ray Rice statue is coming.
Jackie
0-0
I am not sold on the Ravens this season. Bengals win, also known as The University of Georgia, the NFL version.
Lauren
0-0
I think the Baltimore home pride finds a way to (barely) beat the Bengals.
Madeline
0-0
Despite it being in Baltimore, I can’t pick this team. The Bengals are too good and the Ravens have really fallen off the talent and morality platform — and stating the Ravens are losing ground on the morality platform is really saying something.
Makeda
0-0
This is an anti-Ray Rice pick. It’s also an anti-suckage pick. The Ravens roster makes me yawn. Except Justin Tucker. He'll probably be the team's lead scorer in this game. AGAIN.

49ers @ Cowboys

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
This is a Tony Romo game. He's Mr. September.
Jackie
0-0
Sorry, LSum, despite all of San Francisco being suspended, I still think they win.
Lauren
0-0
Jackie, I feel you girl. The Niners are a solid pick, but I just can't vote against my Boys in the very first week.
Madeline
0-0
Tony Romo just had surgery on a disc. The team is not good. The Niners are great. Great beats not good.
Makeda
0-0
Everyone on the Niners D is suspended or injured, which means they’ve just evened the playing field against the third-worst defense in league history. So I’m picking between Kid Kap and Romo? Come on.

Chargers @ Cardinals

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
The Cardinals are going to be good, and Andre Ellington will lead me to fantasy glory.
Jackie
0-0
I have a huge crush on this team. Please don't let me down against a reasonable Chargers team.
Lauren
0-0
I'm trying to move to Phoenix and be a Cardinals bandwagon fan, yo. If there even is a Cardinals bandwagon to jump on....
Madeline
0-0
Why does everyone keep trying to convince us that the Chargers are good? If they still have Philip Rivers, that’s all I need to know. Who could really rally behind that guy? I like the Cardinals. Plus, it’s in AZ. Home team wins.
Makeda
0-0
I refuse to get behind Philip Rivers. Or Ryan Mathews. Or DANNY FUCKING WOODHEAD. Just…no. (In case you’re wondering, my annoyance with Danny Woodhead is completely irrational. He’s a completely average player and does not deserve my ire. But hey, that’s life.)

Trash Bowl: Washington Football Team @ Texans

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
I think the Texans just named LSum their starting quarterback. However, it's totally possible that Watt and Clowney will break RGIII into tiny pieces. I'm thinking Texans 4-0.
Jackie
0-0
My first thought was, "So who is playing QB for the Texans?" --- google --- Ryan Fitzpatrick? My second thought was, "Who is playing for the Redskins who is not a QB?" --- google --- ________________. Texans win. Except for my boy DeSean. Love that guy.
Lauren
0-0
GOD DAMN IT.
Madeline
0-0
I’m honestly struggling with this. What a train wreck. I guess I pick the Texans?
Makeda
0-0
Who is even on the Texans anymore? [reads above predictions] Fitzy is here now?? Seriously, Houston?! I know J.J. is good, but maybe don’t spend ALL your money on a single defensive player when you have no QB. You’re making me pick the Washington Football Team. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Go For Two: Seahawks at Texans

Sorry about your loss.

There are a few games this week that could be considered the game of the week. No, San Francisco, no one cares that you are playing the Rams.

I'm talking about perhaps New England versus Atlanta. New England is 3-0, but without any merit. They beat some of the worst teams in the entire NFL. Now, I know Atlanta is struggling, but this game could really highlight the Patriots deficiencies.

The other game that I considered highlighting and picking as the game of the week was the Miami Dolphins against the Saints. Everyone's pumped that they have won 3 games, and yay for them. They have been so terrible, for so long, it's nice to see them get some wins. Their wins are also more impressive than that of the Patriots, so that's also pretty cool. However, they are going up against the monster machine of the Saints. I don't see this going well for the Dolphins. However, if the Dolphins DO win, a lot more people are actually going to stop just talking about the Dolphins and actually start watching them.

Therefore, the game of the week is ...

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Go For Two: Water Cooler Topics For Week 17

Week 17! There is no need to talk about players, or team personalities, it's the time of the year of win or go home, win and get a bye, and still for the sorry few -- playing for some trace amount of respect.

courtesy of thecensus.wordpress.com

Somehow, the Cowboys managed to do it again. They are like the annoying little brother you have to take everywhere with you, because Mom said so. Why, oh, why do the Cowboys have to be considered the game of the week! Why do they get the prime time slot? Ugh. It's because it's win or go home for the Cowboys. But if you don't like the Cowboys, which a lot of people don't, we have to watch this game. This is why a lot of us hate the Cowboys -- because they are shoved down our throats. I know this is one football fan who hopes they do the latter, and GO HOME!

 

 

courtesy of totalpackers.com

Also, I like Washington. I like RGIII. He's like Aaron Rodgers, you're happy he's your quarterback, not just because he is an exceptional athlete, but because you would want to hang out with the guy. Sorry Andrew Luck, you look like a psychopath. In fact, if I saw Mr. Luck walking on my side of the street, as a woman, I might cross over to the other side of the street as soon as I got a chance. Tony Romo, I wouldn't cross over to the other side of the street if I saw you, I'd take the opportunity to punch you in your face and wipe away that stupid grin of yours. But I digress.

 

The real game of the week to watch is ...

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Go For Two: Water Cooler Topics For Week 15

There are a lot of good games this week. It's coming down to the wire. I can't wait for some of these games. This is the time of the year I wish I had 4 televisions so I could watch all the games.

 

Image courtesy of aol.sportingnews.com

I'm pumped!

49ers (9-3-1) at Patriots (10-3) 8:20PM ET ** Game of the Week

Again, the Patriots are in the game of the week. Hmm. Interesting. The 49ers are still way up there on the best of the best in the NFC. However, with how they looked twice against the Rams, there is cause for concern. Then there are the Patriots. Man do they look good. They look fired up. They look ready for the playoffs to begin. It will be interesting to see how Brady and the Patriots do against the 49ers defense and vice versa. I'm excited for this game.

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Fantasy Scoreboard: Week 14

I mean.... be serious.

Well, ladies & gents, it's official. My fantasy team is in the loser's bracket beginning next week. But my team did score 129.2 points this week, even with one player that didn't touch a ball. And please note that's approximately 50 points more than some other nameless shifty team that somehow squeaked into the playoffs. Also please note that the average points against for teams in our league is 1311.81. I had 1434.1 points scored against me. But don't worry, I'm not bitter.....

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