Johnny Manziel

NFL Preview: AFC East


Take a quick look at the AFC East over the past ten years. Since 2003, the Patriots have won the title 10 times. The only year they didn't win was the year Tom Brady had season ending knee surgery. That sort of says it all. Basically, the Patriots are the Empire, the Dolphins and Jets comprise the Rebellion, and Buffalo is stuck in the swamp with someone far less insightful then Yoda. Screen Shot 2014-09-04 at 7.50.23 PM

Do I get to be done with the preview now? No? Fine. I do like making fun of the Jets.


NFL Preview: AFC North

Every year I suffer through the pain of baseball season, knowing that each drunken Nats game brings me a little closer to the beginning of football season. While this summer was no exception, somehow real life got in the way and football snuck up on me. Therefore, no extensive research went into the writing of this article. I basically read Deadspin’s Why Your Team Sucks series and called it a day.


College Recap Week 3: Roald Dahl, Motel 6, Dumb Cheeseheads, and That A&M Guy

It's coming again. Be prepared.
It's coming again. Be prepared.

Johnny Double Heisman. It's coming. Be prepared.


Let's just get this out of the way: Johnny Manziel is the best college football player in the world. That's right, not just America, the world. Even redshirt junior Jean-Paul Nexistepas of the Sorbonne can't compare.


Manziel as Byronic Hero: a Literature Nerd Explains Johnny Football


byronjohnny"He knew himself a villain—but he deem'd
The rest no better than the thing he seem'd;
And scorn'd the best as hypocrites who hid
Those deeds the bolder spirit plainly did.
He knew himself detested, but he knew
The hearts that loath'd him, crouch'd and dreaded too.
Lone, wild, and strange, he stood alike exempt
From all affection and from all contempt"

-from The Corsair, by Lord Byron, Canto I, Section XII)

One of the most critical lessons to learn for literature students is that it's all been done before (yes, even that last phrase, in a Barenaked Ladies song, but I digress). Almost without exception, any character in any work fits an established type. This applies to real life as well as fiction, and Johnny Manziel is an easy one: he's a Byronic hero. If I'm already losing you and your thoughts drift more toward science than Romantic poets, check out Jacqueline's explanation of Manziel using Coulomb's Law here. Check it out either way, it's great, and I'll still be here when you return.


Coulomb's Law Explains the Johnny Football Force


Love him or hate him, every college football fan has an opinion on Johnny Manziel (JM). Science explains all things and JM is no exception. Coulomb's Law is the perfect way to explain the Johnny Football Force.* This plague is spreading across the nation, so let's take it seriously folks.

For those of you who need to brush up a bit on your physics, Coulomb's Law describes the interaction between two electrically charged particles. (If you don't see it yet, you will.) Follow along to learn a little physics and how it really does explain everything... even college football. Disclaimer: scroll to the bold if you just want to get Jacqueline's opinion on JM.