Knowshon Moreno

Fantasy Scoreboard 2014: Week 2

In an ideal world, I would have made it more than one week before I got lazy with this column but alas, we live in a fucked up world. Contributing to my laziness are the following factors:

1. As Makeda previously discussed, Saturday night was rough. We attended a combination going away (me)/birthday (her) party and attempted to party like we were 22 again. It resulted with a very hungover and discombobulated Sunday.

1A. As evidence of my Sunday confusion, at one point during our RedZone viewing, a strapping young man in this jersey appeared on the sideline. My (unfortunately out loud) comment: “Wow, Phillip Rivers is a lot bigger than I thought.” 

Get it? I saw PHILLIPS and thought Phillip Rivers. Makeda laughed so hard she cried. And just to make it worse, this guy used to play for the Cowboys and we called him John Phillips Sousa. I had a nickname for him and still couldn’t process it!

2. My fantasy teams scored a combine total of 149.9 points this week. Shockingly I still managed to win a game, but clearly things are out of sorts.

3. I’m moving to Phoenix in 13 days (!!!!) and apparently there is a lot of work involved in a cross-country move that I’ve been putting off for the past 6 months.

Since I’m lazy and don’t have much to say I figured I might as well make this interesting for my handful of readers. Therefore, here are this week’s studs and duds as told through the Madden GIF Generator which DEAR GOD IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD.

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NFL Preview: AFC East

belichick

Take a quick look at the AFC East over the past ten years. Since 2003, the Patriots have won the title 10 times. The only year they didn't win was the year Tom Brady had season ending knee surgery. That sort of says it all. Basically, the Patriots are the Empire, the Dolphins and Jets comprise the Rebellion, and Buffalo is stuck in the swamp with someone far less insightful then Yoda. Screen Shot 2014-09-04 at 7.50.23 PM

Do I get to be done with the preview now? No? Fine. I do like making fun of the Jets.

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Fantasy Scoreboard: Week 12

Hello, beautiful.

Two (somewhat delusional) truths and a lie. Can you spot the lie?

1. Tony Romo threw for 441 yards and had MORE touchdowns (3) than interceptions (2).

2. My fantasy team is going to the playoffs!

3. The Cowboys are going to win the NFC East this year.

Studs

Dez Bryant (WR, Cowboys)

The King of the Dropped Pass

Oh Dez, you pesky little criminal, you. Allegedly he had 2 TDs and 145 yards on Thanksgiving. You know what I see what I check his stats? A fumble. And you know what I saw every time I came inside from dinner and checked the score of the game? Butterfingers dropping passes. Happy Thanksgiving, you scoundrel.

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