Nick Foles

Go For Two: NFL Week 15 Games to Watch

What the hell, man? Week 15! The season is almost over! No!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully the next three weeks should be fantastic.

These are the NFL Week 15 games to watch ...

Dolphins (7-6, 9th seed) at Patriots (10-3, 1st seed): I thought this would be a game of the week, and while I would very much enjoy watching it, when I researched playoff rankings, the Dolphins are currently the 9th seed. I'm not so sure they make it into the spectacular this year. So, if I am simply picking games based on playoff race, this puppy doesn't make it into week 15 games to watch. That makes me sad and that's why I am not erasing this as a slot in the game of the week. Love you Tannehill.

Broncos (10-3, 2nd seed) at Chargers (8-5, 6th seed): Everyone needs to stop with the Peyton is showing is age just because he didn't throw a touchdown pass. You know what, I take that back, he is showing his age, through maturity. He wants to win. If a rushing TD gets him that win, that's all he cares about. Dan Marino was the best of the best, never won a Super Bowl. Peyton wants the Super Bowl.

As for this game, the Chargers are barely holding onto that 6th seed. The Chargers will not take the AFC West division champs from the Broncos, so the Chargers really need to win this game by hook-or-by-crook to keep their wild card hopes alive. The Chargers, Steelers, Ravens are all 8-5. The Steelers (8-5, 5th seed), may or may not beat the Falcons, the Bengals (8-4-1, 4th seed) may or may not beat the Browns, but the Ravens (8-5, 7th seed) are going to beat the Jaguars. The Chargers still have the Niners (7-6) and the Chiefs (7-6, 10th seed) yet to go. The Chargers may be waiving bye-bye to their playoff hopes based on strength of schedule. Ravens have the Texans and the Browns left and the Steelers have Chiefs and Bengals. Ravens have the easiest schedule. Look for some movement over the next few weeks that does not bode well for the Chargers.

 

Niners (7-6, 8th seed) at Hawks (9-4, 5th seed): This will be such a good game. I hate the Niners, and I will love watching them implode during this game. I have never seen a bigger bunch of cry babies in the league -- fans and players included. The Niners should move over to the English Premier League where whining, flopping, and throwing your arms up in the air over the littlest infraction is common place. It's fine in soccer, it's been like that forever. That's not how you conduct yourself in the National Football League. Look at the Rams. People love the Rams because while they will not win the division or go to the playoffs, they conduct themselves with pride. The Vikings play every game with pride. Good for them and their fans. Niners fans are burning their Kaepernick jerseys. You know what? I bet the Niners of the past are glad that Candlestick closed. This new generation doesn't deserve to be associated with the glory of the past.

 

Cowboys (9-4, 7th seed) at Eagles (9-4, 3rd seed): This is the game of the week. Eagles (3rd seed), Hawks (5th seed), Lions (6th seed), and Cowboys (7th seed) all have a 9-5 record. That makes this game between division rivals that much more important and to a lot of teams. Clearly, the wild card is hotly contested which makes winning the division that much more crucial.

These two teams are pretty evenly matched, statistically speaking, save for passing. The Eagles come in at 8th and outrank the 18th overall Cowboys. However, some of those stats are due to Foles, and not Mark Sanchez. Cowboys already lost to Philadelphia at home and this game will be in Philly. I have no idea how Tony Romo's back is holding up, but I can't expect well. I'm sure in years to come he will be complaining of mind-numbing pain all over his body and will realize that it wasn't worth it at all. Some young punk will come on the Cowboys roster and Jerry Jones will be like "Tony who?" It's the sad state of affairs in the league, well, any profession. There is always someone there to take your place.

Just like someone very well may take the Eagles place as the 3rd seed.

 

Side note: Screw you Julio Jones for the ridiculous amount of fantasy points you obtained. You ruined my chances at a playoff spot. I hate you. Okay, not really, but come on!

Fantasy Scoreboard: Week 10

Congratulations to the Jacksonsville Jaguars & the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for finally securing wins this week! If you're a Titans fan (ahem, AL) or a Dolphins fan (ahem, JACKIE), a hearty congratulations to you too for choosing to support some spectacularly awful teams. I'd rather win every game, but if my team is going to lose I'd rather it be to the Saints in New Orleans than the JAGUARS AT HOME. Woof.

Studs

Nick Foles (QB, Eagles) + Riley Cooper (WR, Eagles)

Bromance forever.

This duo gets the 1st handcuffed stud award, because they seem to be a packaged deal. I definitely thought that Foles' impeccable performance and Cooper’s excessive scores last week was a fluke performance. There’s no way that Chip Kelly could have gotten it that wrong and started Michael Vick over a quarterback that is this good. Except, that’s exactly what happened. Nick Foles is THAT good. Foles added 3 more TDs to his record on Sunday, with Cooper as the recipient of 2 of those, as the Eagles (luckily, despite what you might say, Makeda) beat the Packers. Foles has now thrown 16 touchdowns with zero interceptions which is basically the sexiest sentence I’ve ever heard. After a blah season Cooper has now scored 5 touchdowns and 241 yards in the last 2 games. Next up for the Eagles: the Washington Redskins. This duo is going to massacre the Skins.

Rams defense

I love a good celebratory pose.

I’m sorry, but where did the Week 10 Rams come from? St. Louis must be a nickname for Mars, because there’s no way these Rams are the same Rams that have been playing all season. 4 interceptions, 2 fumbles recovered and 2 touchdowns. Wowza.

Duds

Brandon Jacobs (RB, Giants)

Yes, I know Brandon Jacobs didn’t start on Sunday. I know it’s hard to score points when you don’t play. I am aware of the rules of American football. However, did anyone see this?

LOLCATZ

I know the Giants haven’t had much to celebrate this season, but knocking your own teammate down during a moment of triumph? Serious dud status.

Eddie Lacy & James Starks (RB, Packers)

Screen Shot 2013-11-11 at 6.44.55 PMNot a handcuff type of situation, but rather a for all intents & purposes, they’re the same person type of situation. Was I the only one that though the Packers running backs would get some increased carries this week without Rodgers? I started Starks over Le’von Bell using that reasoning and then had a FUCK YEAH thought when Seneca Wallace went out. But then…. nothing. Or close to nothing, anyway. Sparks had a pathetic game and Eddie Lacy was nothing to write home about. While I didn’t expect the Pack to win without their fearless & bearded leader, I did expect them to not be entirely pathetic.

Surprises

Tavon Austin (WR, Rams)

More planking

Not only was Tavon Austin a surprise on Sunday, but the entire Rams team surprised the world by crushing the Colts in Indianapolis. Austin had a mediocre season thus far, only scoring 2 TDs in Week 2 against the Falcons. With Bradford out for the season, there was no way Austin was going to get a lot more catches and have any blowout games, so I did what any good fantasy owner would do: I dropped him. I’m pretty sure me dropping a player is the lucky charm for him to go crazy the next week and have the best game of the season. 3 TDS and 138 yards this week? You’re welcome, Tavon. Also, I’m in love with this shimmy.

Ryan Fitzpatrick (QB, Titans)

Happy Movember from Fitzy!

I’ve always loved Fitzy. That name, that brain, THAT BEARD- I’m powerless against it. Much to my delight, Fitzy had a surprisingly excellent game on Sunday. 2 TDs, 264 yards, plus an added bonus rushing touchdown. Definitely good stats for Jake Locker’s backup quarterback. The bad news? Fitzy still lost to the JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS. Womp womp.

Scott Tolzien, (QB*, Packers)

Rodgers watches his playoff chances fumble away

Remember when Aaron Rodgers got hurt and Packers fans everywhere lost their mind, unsure of who their quarterback would be. Remember when the Packers started their backup Seneca Wallace and Packers fans lost hope? Remember when Seneca Wallace got hurt in the first offensive drive of the game and Scott Tolzien (who?) replaced him? Madeline’s email says it all:

Screen Shot 2013-11-11 at 1.22.13 PM

Also, it’s important to mention that his appearance here doesn’t come because of a surprise great performance. It’s definitely instead a SURPRISE! this person exists type of thing.

*Let’s use a loose definition of “quarterback” here.

Honorable Mention

Running Backs

Remember last week when every decent running back was on bye or dead and a bunch of random players scored points instead? Not the case this week. Check this out:

Screen Shot 2013-11-11 at 4.21.23 PMThat, my friends, is a lot of double-digit scoring running backs. Despite my personal feelings and reluctance to discuss, a special shout out must be given to the New Orleans trifecta of Pierre Thomas, Mark Ingram, and Darren Sproles. Way to fuck up my season/life.

Fantasy Scoreboard: Week 9

A picture's worth all my words

Editor’s Note:

As I’m sure all you loyal readers know, Makeda & I wrote a post last week about the best & worst NFL players in Halloween costumes. It was neither scientific nor comprehensive, but rather two friends having some fun at the expensive of professional athletes. In exciting news, that piece got picked up by NFL Memes & posted to The Daily Snark website. We got understandably excited about our brief brush with fame, but then it got even more exciting because we got a hater. Yes, ladies & gentlemen, we have arrived. An actual comment from our post on The Daily Snark:

Worst judges ever. I could find a group of 13 year olds with more logical opinions. THREAD GETS A 0/10 FUCK YOU MAKEDA AND LAUREN.

Thank you, random internet troll for making us feel special. Please note that here at Eligible Receiver we have never pretended to be logical, intelligent or have any idea what we’re talking about. We belong perfectly on a website called The Daily Snark, not The Daily Boring Logical People. If you’re looking for logic, look elsewhere. Troll on, motherfucker.

I watched the games on Sunday with the usual crew (minus Makeda who was en route back to DC from Tennessee). It’s important to note that the two male members of this crew were horrifically hungover from the previous night’s Halloween celebrations, during which one guy almost got us kicked out of a bar for stealing someone’s mask and throwing it away and the other guy tried to tell me that his “head of veterans was hard”. Despite the Gatorade chugging, groans of pain and pure insanity coming from these two, I was probably the most confused (and definitely the most sober) person on the couch on Sunday. How in the world did Nick Foles tie up Peyton Manning’s touchdown record? Who the hell is Riley Cooper? Did the Bucs really start off their game against the Seahawks 21-0? Did the Jets bounce back from their Cincinnati massacre and beat the Saints? IS THIS ALL A HALLOWEEN/DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TRICK?

Read More...

Fantasy Scoreboard: Weeks 6 & 7

I'm a week behind on my post from last week, but I'm currently watching a marathon of an MTV show from 2008, so in comparison, a week is really alright.

I spent last weekend in the motherland, frolicking around fields checking out awesome bands at ACL, eating tremendous amounts of tacos chased with copious amounts of tequila....

Tequila in my hand, tacos in my tummy, happiness in my heart and drunken insanity in my mind.

Tequila in my hand, tacos in my tummy, happiness in my heart and drunken antics on my mind.

and most importantly WATCHING MACK BROWN AND THE LONGHORNS CRUSH OKLAHOMA. Also, the Cowboys beat the Redskins. And I got to watch both those games from Texas. DC served me a cruel slap in the face by having the engine of my car die as soon as I returned, thus making me too much of a frantic car shopping mess to talk fantasy football last week.

HOOK EM HORNS

HOOK EM HORNS

Now that I've gotten some good ramblings out of the way, let's proceed with this week's and last week's studs & duds.

Read More...

Fantasy Scoreboard: Week 14

I mean.... be serious.

Well, ladies & gents, it's official. My fantasy team is in the loser's bracket beginning next week. But my team did score 129.2 points this week, even with one player that didn't touch a ball. And please note that's approximately 50 points more than some other nameless shifty team that somehow squeaked into the playoffs. Also please note that the average points against for teams in our league is 1311.81. I had 1434.1 points scored against me. But don't worry, I'm not bitter.....

Read More...