College Football Week 9: Two Mississippi, One Mississippi...

Ah, Mississippi. It was a good run for you.You discovered that America is still totally cool with the racism inherent in virtually everything associated with your school, and the fact that your state is the olemilk.0closest thing the U.S. has to a third world country. You were able to forget that your state has no pro sports and really no good reason for anyone to visit. Then it all came crashing down because of a dumbass decision at the end of Saturday's game. I don't blame this southern belle for her reaction in the least.


In Honor of the THS Class of 2004: College Football Superlatives


This past weekend was my ten year high school reunion. My fellow classmates and I had an incredible time and are already looking forward to 2024. So this post is in honor and inspired by the Tavares High School Class of 2004. Go Dawgs! (I was always meant to be a Georgia fan.)

The reunion began with the Homecoming football game, which was won 27-20! It was great to remember all of the good times in that stadium. Saturday night while we were getting our party on, the organizers handed out 10 Year Later Superlatives that inspired this post. Here are superlatives for the first half of the college football season.


College Recap Week 9: Cocks, Chokes, and Katherine Webb

Writer's note: she can wear jorts if she wants to.

"I ran out & screamed so I wldn't wake my kids, came in & realized I scared em half to death, rocked em 2 sleep again singin."

"I went to the fridge and took a long draw off the "Pepto-bismooth" bottle!"

Those words are from Victoria Boyce and Kimberly Tuten, Gamecock fans, on Twitter, describing her reaction to South Carolina's win over Missouri Saturday. Why do we love college football? Because kids who are not getting paid beg for a chance to play in pain because they want it that much. Because an entire season can come down to a missed 24-yard field goal by a sophomore kicker in Week 9.

In a related note, why do we hate college football? Because an entire season can come down to a missed 24-yard field goal by a sophomore kicker in Week 9. "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."


Behind Enemy Lines: Georgia @ Tennessee


Last week I mentioned that our annual away game tradition happening. After two glorious days catching up with all things Athens, including great friends, delicious food, and the tasty local liquids, it was time to head to Knoxville on Friday.

After a scenic mountain drive, we arrived with quite an appetite. Evidently living off road trip food such as Flaming Hot Cheetos and Sour Patch Kids couldn't sustain me for a day. Upon a recommendation from a local friend, Nixon's Deli was our lunch destination. My Jewishness allows me to assume that I know all things holy when it comes to delis and sandwiches. Nixon's did not disappoint. I ordered my traditional sandwich benchmark, an Italian. Their famous steamed sandwiches were absolutely delicious. Worth the stop if you are ever in town.

This lined my stomach for our evening trip to 'The Strip' for an evening full of debauchery. Fortunately among our group of Georgia fans, we had a UT alum as our local Knoxville expert. She valiantly led us to Cool Beans off of Cumberland Ave. to drink with the natives. By that I mean, UT students on a gameday weekend. Friday night exhibited a mild temperament between the fan bases. Considerably more chill than our previous year in Columbia when the game was a top five match-up. In fact, the atmosphere was allied as the Braves (the South's favorite baseball team) beat the Dodgers in a close play off game. Unite today, fight tomorrow!


College Recap Week 6: Bad Picks, Bad Clowney, and Rejection

UGA gets Missouri next week. We haven't forgotten.
Actually, ignore this. Go ahead and panic and ignore the turtle.

Actually, ignore this. Go ahead and panic and ignore the turtle.

I must begin this week with a confession: my name is Allen, and I picked Maryland to beat Florida State. I was swayed by the feminine wiles of a fellow writer. This is what happens when you're a token male. In my defense, I'm still 19-7 overall in college picks this season, so if you're gambling based on my suggestions (and I know you are), your thumbs are most likely unbroken as of now.

Moving on, then, from a Terrapin team that didn't show up to a Gamecock who showed up but refused to play.


College Recap Week 5: Dawgs On Top, Kiffin Off the Bus, and Derek Dooley


laneBefore we begin mocking Lane Kiffin, let us pause and reflect on these facts: he is 38 years old. He is rich beyond the wildest dreams of the average person. And despite his complete failure at job after job, he will inevitably be a head coach again. None of those things are true of us, but there is this: we've never been pulled off a bus and fired in an airport parking lot.


College Recap Week 3: Roald Dahl, Motel 6, Dumb Cheeseheads, and That A&M Guy

It's coming again. Be prepared.
It's coming again. Be prepared.

Johnny Double Heisman. It's coming. Be prepared.


Let's just get this out of the way: Johnny Manziel is the best college football player in the world. That's right, not just America, the world. Even redshirt junior Jean-Paul Nexistepas of the Sorbonne can't compare.


Manziel as Byronic Hero: a Literature Nerd Explains Johnny Football


byronjohnny"He knew himself a villain—but he deem'd
The rest no better than the thing he seem'd;
And scorn'd the best as hypocrites who hid
Those deeds the bolder spirit plainly did.
He knew himself detested, but he knew
The hearts that loath'd him, crouch'd and dreaded too.
Lone, wild, and strange, he stood alike exempt
From all affection and from all contempt"

-from The Corsair, by Lord Byron, Canto I, Section XII)

One of the most critical lessons to learn for literature students is that it's all been done before (yes, even that last phrase, in a Barenaked Ladies song, but I digress). Almost without exception, any character in any work fits an established type. This applies to real life as well as fiction, and Johnny Manziel is an easy one: he's a Byronic hero. If I'm already losing you and your thoughts drift more toward science than Romantic poets, check out Jacqueline's explanation of Manziel using Coulomb's Law here. Check it out either way, it's great, and I'll still be here when you return.


Coulomb's Law Explains the Johnny Football Force


Love him or hate him, every college football fan has an opinion on Johnny Manziel (JM). Science explains all things and JM is no exception. Coulomb's Law is the perfect way to explain the Johnny Football Force.* This plague is spreading across the nation, so let's take it seriously folks.

For those of you who need to brush up a bit on your physics, Coulomb's Law describes the interaction between two electrically charged particles. (If you don't see it yet, you will.) Follow along to learn a little physics and how it really does explain everything... even college football. Disclaimer: scroll to the bold if you just want to get Jacqueline's opinion on JM.