Sideline Picks

Sideline Picks: NFL Week 12

Bengals @ Texans

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
26-18-1
Wallace Gilberry, who plays DE for the Bengals and clearly lacks intelligence, talked shit about J.J. Watt this week. My prediction: Watt will score four TDs and kill, dismember, and devour Andy Dalton.
Jackie
24-20-1
Does Ryan Mallett get more comfortable in game two? I think so.
Madeline
23-21-1
I know nothing about either of these teams.
Makeda
21-23-1
Lauren
13-31-1
All hail J.J.

Lions @ Patriots

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
26-18-1
Belichick and Brady have it going. When they're playing like this, no one can beat them except a mediocre Giants team.
Jackie
24-20-1
The Pats look unstoppable.
Madeline
23-21-1
Pats at home. Pats because I need the Lions to lose. Pats because it’s hard to bet against Brady and Belichick. Pats because of Gronk. Pats because of Prater.
Makeda
21-23-1
I don't know why I picked this game. It's gonna be a bloodbath.
Lauren
13-31-1
I realized recently that I need to support more AFC teams because my love for NFC teams is becoming excessive. I'll work on that next year. Go Megatron!

Rams @ Chargers

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
26-18-1
Taking the Rams because they looked good last week. Trying to think of something that could compel me to watch this game.
Jackie
24-20-1
Chargers at home look good to me.
Madeline
23-21-1
Cause the Rams play hard.
Makeda
21-23-1
I am not sold on this Chargers team and the Rams have forgotten they're not supposed to be good.
Lauren
13-31-1
I actually think this is going to be a really close game and I would kind of love it if the Rams actually won, but I'll be logical and pick P. Rivers.

Cardinals @ Seahawks

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
26-18-1
The Cardinals are legit, but they're not going to run the table. Drew Stanton winning in Seattle? Not happening.
Jackie
24-20-1
The Cards look great and Seattle looks lackluster. They go into Century Link and steal another one.
Madeline
23-21-1
Cards won here before. I’m not super impressed with Seattle’s wins as of late. Winning against the Panthers, Giants, and Raiders is simply not impressive. They just lost against an on-paper good team in Kansas. I’m not sure Seattle wins this game.
Makeda
21-23-1
Ahhhhh, I don't know!! The Seahawks' home field advantage is huge, especially for a team that can't decide if they're good. But the Cardinals are not fucking around this year. I think these teams will split wins, so I'm taking Hawks this time and the Cardinals in Week 16.
Lauren
13-31-1
Baby needs the Seahawks to lose in case the Boys need the wild card spot PLUS I live in Arizona now, so....

Sideline Picks: College Week 12

1 Mississippi State @ 4 Alabama

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
15-12
My gut says Bama, but my heart says State. I must stick with Bama on this one.
Lauren
13-14
State
Allen
15-12
Sorry, Mississippi State. You're just not ready for Tuscaloosa.
LaNiece
13-14
Miss State may be the new SEC West powerhouse although, I heard a rumor that Prescott is leaving for the draft...so maybe not

11 Nebraska @ 22 Wisconsin

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
15-12
Give me the home team.
Lauren
13-14
Wisconsin
Allen
15-12
Nebraska. Wow, the Big 10 is a terrible conference.
LaNiece
13-14
^^^ Ditto (to Allen)

9 Auburn @ 16 Georgia

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
15-12
Gurley is back. Let's do this.
Lauren
13-14
Georgia.
Allen
15-12
Gurley. Gurley. Gurley.
LaNiece
13-14
Three words: LOST TO FLORIDA!!!!!!!

Upset Special

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
102
This is the year Miami pull out this win. (22 points)
Lauren
36
Maryland over Michigan State (13 points)
Allen
3
Miami over Florida State (22 points)
LaNiece
48
Arkansas over LSU (8 points)

Sideline Picks: NFL Week 11

Lauren’s busy being decked out in camo at a bachelorette party (don’t ask…), so I’m doing her picks for her – and by that, I mean giving her whatever team I don’t pick and throwing in a GIF for funsies. #lazyfriday

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Sideline Picks: NFL Week 10

This week was VERY exciting because Jackie and I met in person for the VERY FIRST TIME last night!!! We proceeded to imbibe a number of adult beverages and then convince a complete stranger to record us doing video picks. (Shout out to Will if you're reading this!) Let's hope our comments still make sense in the light of day.

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Sideline Picks: NFL Week 9

Cardinals @ Cowboys

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
19-13-1
Romo is hurt; the backup is Brandon Weeden. Chances Jerry will wish he'd drafted Manziel this week? 99.7%.
Jackie
18-14-1
Will Romo's bionic back hold up? Sorry LSum, I am still a hater.
Madeline
17-15-1
Go Cardinals!
Makeda
14-18-1
Because Monday night's game was easily the highlight of my season so far. And because Jerry Jones is a nutjob who needs to HIRE A REAL GM ALREADY. Just kidding. Never change, Jerry. You're perfect just the way you are.
Lauren
10-22-1
This is a shameless homer pick. The Cardinals look good and home field advantage means NOTHING to the Cowboys. If Tony can't play, things could really get interesting, but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Chargers @ Dolphins

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
19-13-1
I believe in the Dolphins defense. I do not believe in Rivers on the road.
Jackie
18-14-1
Yikes, this is going to be rough. I think the Chargers destroy the Dolphins, but I will pick my team anyway. I need all of the good football karma for this weekend.
Madeline
17-15-1
I don't know who to pick here.
Makeda
14-18-1
Fun fact: these teams both play the Jaguars AND Raiders AND Jets this season. I know some of that is division-related, but come on. Now you're just giving away games. This pick is for the Return of the Bolo Tie, because I think LSum's going to need a pick-me-up this week.
Lauren
10-22-1
All signs point to this being a really interesting game. Jackie, I hate to do this to you, but the Chargers are sneaky good and I think they might be able to take apart the smoke & mirrors that certainly have to be with the Dolphins.

Broncos @ Patriots

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
19-13-1
Three words for Peyton: high of 45.
Jackie
18-14-1
Seriously, fuck the Patriots. I hate those assholes.
Madeline
17-15-1
I like Peyton. I think the Broncos are a more complete team than the Patriots.
Makeda
14-18-1
I really enjoy when the Patriots get their asses handed to them. Plus, I am sure the Broncos have not forgotten that OT loss from last year. Revenge win? Let's hope so!!
Lauren
10-22-1
Good guys have to finish first, right? RIGHT?!? But also, if this could be the highest scoring game ever with Brady getting a million TDs and none going to Demaryius Thomas, it would really help my fantasy team.

Ravens @ Steelers

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
19-13-1
The Steelers inexplicably turned into the Kurt Warner Rams last week. They're home and retiring Mean Joe Greene's jersey this week. Stone cold lead pipe lock.
Jackie
18-14-1
This division does not make any sense to me. I cannot predict AFC North games at all. So Ravens, why not?
Madeline
17-15-1
I can’t figure out how the Steelers made it to 5-3.
Makeda
14-18-1
The Steelers are 5-3?!?! Man, this year is confusing. But I still have more faith in Joe Flacco than Big Ben. I KNOW. I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. This is what your schedule hath wrought, Goodell. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
Lauren
10-22-1
Fingers crossed things go your way, Papa SumSum.

Sideline Picks: College Week 10

4 Auburn @ 7 Ole Miss

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
14-10
I still think Auburn is one of the luckiest teams in the land. This win will fall into their hands from the likes of Bad Bo.
Lauren
11-13
Two comments: 1) this is the first week all season that I've actually looked up the standings of each team in order to make a properly informed decision, 2) I really don't understand how Ole Miss has a better conference and overall standing and is still ranked lower. Just another reminder of how much I HATE the BCS.
Allen
12-12
Ole Miss had a good run, but they're not bouncing back after a loss.
LaNiece
11-13
Auburn is blue and orange and so are the Gators. Chomp. {Note: LaNiece's picks were not in on time so I am acting as her.

18 Utah @ 15 Arizona State

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
14-10
This is a tough call, but due to quality of wins Utah.
Lauren
11-13
Homer pick.
Allen
12-12
Also a homer pick.
LaNiece
11-13
Utah because Urban Meyer won the Gators a championship and he used to coach there.

14 Arizona @ 25 UCLA

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
14-10
Rich Rod!
Lauren
11-13
Just to be different and not pick another Homer pick. Cause ya know, YOLO.
Allen
12-12
I remember when the PAC 12 was at least vaguely relevant. Combine these two games and I still give zero fucks. This never would have happened if USC still had a football team.
LaNiece
11-13
The non-evil LA team.

Upset Special

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
102
Hogs over State! PIG SOOIE! (25 points)
Lauren
36
WVU over TCU because I'd LOVE for there to be another couch burning riot. (10 points)
Allen
3
Louisville, karma, and justice combine to beat Florida State. (24 points)
LaNiece
32
Florida over Georgia. DUH! (16 points)

Sideline Picks: College Week 9

3 Ole Miss @ 24 LSU

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
13-8
This is a tough one. We could have a huge upset on our hands, but I like the Mississippi teams still.
Lauren
10-11
Ole Miss. I bet there are really good fight songs there.
Allen
10-11
I'm not ready for a world in which the Egg Bowl is the biggest game of the year. Les Miles gets one last big win before heading to Michigan.
LaNiece
10-11
On the Mississippi train since Florida can't win.

20 USC @ 19 Utah

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
13-8
Give me the Trojans! I am never a believer in Utah football, at least since Urban Meyer left about a decade ago.
Lauren
10-11
Fighting Mormons for the win.
Allen
10-11
If this were in our NFL picks for this week, my number of fucks would be zero.
LaNiece
10-11
Alphabetical pick. My give a fuck level is also a zero.

13 Ohio State @ Penn State

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
13-8
I hate the Buckeyes, but you all know I lack a soul when it comes to picks. OSU
Lauren
10-11
Ohio State because I have some beef with Ohio.
Allen
10-11
This pick driven purely by hatred for Ohio State.
LaNiece
10-11
Cheaters and liars over pedophiles?

Upset Special

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
102
Washington St. over Arizona. Mike Leach is always good for a few upsets a season. They are better than their 2-5 record. (10 points)
Lauren
36
Lauren didn't actually pick so I am sticking with Maryland over Wisconsin. I consider that an upset (3 points).
Allen
3
Kentucky over 1 Mississippi State. See above re: Egg Bowl. Also, Kentucky is feisty at home and they have cool chrome helmets.(25 points)
LaNiece
32
Texas Tech over TCU (15 points)

Sideline Picks: NFL Week 8 AKA Trash Bowl Edition

Let's be real. This week's games suck. The best matchup was last night, and it was only a good game if you like the Broncos. So we're going to embrace it and pick the shittiest of the shitty games, rating them on a scale of 10 based on the number of fucks we give. Spoiler alert: the numbers don’t look good.

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Sideline Picks: NFL Week 7

Dolphins @ Bears

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
12-12-1
I really don't understand why the Bears aren't better than they are, but they're not. Knowshon is back to carry Miami to glory. [Editor’s note: Allen seems to have missed the memo that Knowshon was put on IR after tearing his ACL.]
Jackie
12-12-1
Wow, I just assumed that I would be only one picking the Dolphins. BUT so much love from my fellow bloggers. They gave me a shred of hope versus Green Bay last week, then took it away. I will stick with them for one more week.
Madeline
11-13-1
How are the Bears not better?! Jay Cutler against the 7th best defense seems like a bad idea for the Bears. Yet, it is at home. Who to pick, who to pick … I want the Bears to lose, but … oh, fuck if I know. I thought the Dolphins did a good job last week in the second half, but they gotta play both halves of the game. Bears do bad in the fourth quarter, so this could be tight.
Makeda
10-14-1
I flipped a coin. Literally. Bears it is.
Lauren
6-18-1
I actually went back and forth about this game for a while and I'm still not convinced this is the right pick, BUT I feel like I need to make things right with Jackie so she is nice to me when I see her in January (!!!!!), so Phins win.

Bengals @ Colts

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
12-12-1
Total number of fucks given about this game by Eligible Receiver personnel stands at zero.
Jackie
12-12-1
I am all in on the Colts at the moment, unless of course they play one of those other "elite" QBs. Now let's all argue over which quarterbacks are elite. [Editor's note: NOT JOE FLACCO.]
Madeline
11-13-1
I’m from the Midwest and I can guarantee you no one gives two shits about this game there. Nor does anyone else in the rest of the country. If both teams didn’t show up, I’d consider it a blessing. Who the fuck cares?
Makeda
10-14-1
Because, as established in last week's Eligible Receiver writer emails, I'd rather sleep with Caveman Andrew Luck than Eli "Manningface" Manning. Yes, this was a choice Madeline forced us all to make.
Lauren
6-18-1
Do you think this game is a big deal in the Midwest? Like, are there crazy rivalries there? I certainly hope so because it'd be nice if SOMEONE cared about this game. I certainly don't give a fuck.

Chiefs @ Chargers

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
12-12-1
Reverse of the Bears thing: I don't understand why the Chargers are this good, except that Phil Rivers has been possessed by the spirit of Dan Fouts. However, Dan Fouts is not dead (I looked it up). Therefore, I assume Rivers will turn back into Rivers.
Jackie
12-12-1
Bolts! Scratch the Colts, I am all in on the Chargers until the playoffs when they will lose in the first round.
Madeline
11-13-1
I’m with Allen, how is this team winning? I don’t give a shit about this game either.
Makeda
10-14-1
I flipped a coin again. Why are these games so hard to care about??
Lauren
6-18-1
But I hope it's a close battle so Philip Rivers can make many awesome faces throughout.

Trash Bowl: Titans @ Washington

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
12-12-1
Would Clipboard Jesus allow the Washington football team to win? Of course not. And how could I pick against the man who gave us this picture?
whitehurst
Jackie
12-12-1
Yikes, this is a brutal pick. Skins, but only because they are the home team.
Madeline
11-13-1
Ugh! I don’t care! Spin the bottle, flip a coin, beer pong to see who wins, just don’t make me watch this game. I’d rather play Uno.
Makeda
10-14-1
How great would it be if Kirk Cousins throws for 300 yards and 3 TDs and DC goes through another "FUCK RGIII WE DON'T NEED HIM!!!" phase just as RGIII is getting healthy again?
Lauren
6-18-1
Just cause the girl left the district doesn't mean her hatred for the WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM left.

Sideline Picks: College Week 8

14 Kansas State @ 11 Oklahoma

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
12-6
The Big 12 is doing the round robin that I predicted, but I think Oklahoma squeezes this one out.
Lauren
8-11
Texas is so bad this season that hating the Sooners seems almost unnecessary, but I'm going to do it anyway.
Allen
9-9
The Big 12 is such a sad shell of what was once the second best conference.
LaNiece
10-8
Oklahoma, reverse alphabetical order this week.

23 Stanford @ 17 Arizona State

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
12-6
This is a tough road game for Stanford, but I think they squeak it out. I am not an Arizona State believer yet.
Lauren
8-11
HOMER PICK (god, that feels weird to say)
Allen
9-9
As a former resident of Tempe, I feel some loyalty, and the smart kids just don't have it this year.
LaNiece
10-8
Stanford, here's hoping the smart kids get it together

5 Notre Dame @ 2 FSU

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
12-6
Notre Dame is overrated and it will show in this big game.
Lauren
8-11
I'm not going to offer any commentary because I feel confident Allen's will be better and will involve just as many President Bartlet references.
Allen
9-9
In the words of Josiah Bartlet, greatest President since Lincoln: "Aren't you afraid that one day I'm just gonna kick your ass like it's never been kicked?" The day has come. I have never cheered for old Notre Dame like I will this Saturday. Bring out the Catholics vs. Convicts shirts. Win it for the Gipper. Win it for Rudy. Win it for Leo.
LaNiece
10-8
#blamejameis

Upset Special

Pick Sideline Commentary
Jacqueline
81
West Virginia has two losses on the year: Alabama and Oklahoma. They are a reasonably good football team. After all of the excitement of the last minute win over TCU, the Baylor Bears could be primed for an upset. (21 points)
Lauren
33
Well, logic tells me that since the Terps didn't play last weekend, they MUST play this weekend so I pick them! Editor's note: Maryland over Iowa. (3 points)
Allen
3
Tennessee over Ole Miss. Trap game, and a great night for bad Bo to show up. (22 points)
LaNiece
32
Arkansas over Georgia (15 points)