Washington Redskins

Sideline Picks: NFL Week 1

Bengals @ Ravens

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
If there's a God, She must hate the Ravens by now, right? They unveiled a statue of Ray Lewis, though it lacks accuracy since he's not standing over murdered people. I'm sure a Ray Rice statue is coming.
Jackie
0-0
I am not sold on the Ravens this season. Bengals win, also known as The University of Georgia, the NFL version.
Lauren
0-0
I think the Baltimore home pride finds a way to (barely) beat the Bengals.
Madeline
0-0
Despite it being in Baltimore, I can’t pick this team. The Bengals are too good and the Ravens have really fallen off the talent and morality platform — and stating the Ravens are losing ground on the morality platform is really saying something.
Makeda
0-0
This is an anti-Ray Rice pick. It’s also an anti-suckage pick. The Ravens roster makes me yawn. Except Justin Tucker. He'll probably be the team's lead scorer in this game. AGAIN.

49ers @ Cowboys

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
This is a Tony Romo game. He's Mr. September.
Jackie
0-0
Sorry, LSum, despite all of San Francisco being suspended, I still think they win.
Lauren
0-0
Jackie, I feel you girl. The Niners are a solid pick, but I just can't vote against my Boys in the very first week.
Madeline
0-0
Tony Romo just had surgery on a disc. The team is not good. The Niners are great. Great beats not good.
Makeda
0-0
Everyone on the Niners D is suspended or injured, which means they’ve just evened the playing field against the third-worst defense in league history. So I’m picking between Kid Kap and Romo? Come on.

Chargers @ Cardinals

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
The Cardinals are going to be good, and Andre Ellington will lead me to fantasy glory.
Jackie
0-0
I have a huge crush on this team. Please don't let me down against a reasonable Chargers team.
Lauren
0-0
I'm trying to move to Phoenix and be a Cardinals bandwagon fan, yo. If there even is a Cardinals bandwagon to jump on....
Madeline
0-0
Why does everyone keep trying to convince us that the Chargers are good? If they still have Philip Rivers, that’s all I need to know. Who could really rally behind that guy? I like the Cardinals. Plus, it’s in AZ. Home team wins.
Makeda
0-0
I refuse to get behind Philip Rivers. Or Ryan Mathews. Or DANNY FUCKING WOODHEAD. Just…no. (In case you’re wondering, my annoyance with Danny Woodhead is completely irrational. He’s a completely average player and does not deserve my ire. But hey, that’s life.)

Trash Bowl: Washington Football Team @ Texans

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
I think the Texans just named LSum their starting quarterback. However, it's totally possible that Watt and Clowney will break RGIII into tiny pieces. I'm thinking Texans 4-0.
Jackie
0-0
My first thought was, "So who is playing QB for the Texans?" --- google --- Ryan Fitzpatrick? My second thought was, "Who is playing for the Redskins who is not a QB?" --- google --- ________________. Texans win. Except for my boy DeSean. Love that guy.
Lauren
0-0
GOD DAMN IT.
Madeline
0-0
I’m honestly struggling with this. What a train wreck. I guess I pick the Texans?
Makeda
0-0
Who is even on the Texans anymore? [reads above predictions] Fitzy is here now?? Seriously, Houston?! I know J.J. is good, but maybe don’t spend ALL your money on a single defensive player when you have no QB. You’re making me pick the Washington Football Team. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Eligible Receiver Midseason Awards

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It’s time for the 1st Annual Eligible Receiver Midseason Awards in which we use our excellent football intelligence and logical deduction skills to confer completely made up awards to NFL players. Also, lots of pictures. Enjoy!

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