Lauren and I both attended Week 14 NFL games. I was in Philadelphia. She was in Chicago. We both froze our asses off. These are our stories of survival.
Makeda: So we both made the brilliant decision to go to December games in cities that do in fact experience winter weather. I would like to point out that when I asked Laura months ago if an early December game would be too cold, she scoffed and told me I was being a baby.
Lauren: When I told “Dan” [Ed. note: name changed for anonymity] we should go to Chicago, he said it would be cold and my exact response was, "So? I have a flask." Clearly I didn't think this through.
Makeda: You and Laura should hang out more. In the cold. I would also like to thank the National Weather Service for their super accurate prediction of clear skies in the morning with "light snow" in the afternoon. This is how it looked at noon in Philly. It had been snowing for at least three hours at this point.
Makeda: Under Armour is a godsend. Plus, I had to rock my Shady jersey!
Lauren: It just seems like you were wearing less than 15 layers – which is INSANE because that's exactly how many I was wearing in Chicago where there was no snow.
Makeda: I had four layers on top (including the jersey) and two on bottom. And to be fair, it was like 25 degrees colder where you were. And windy. Chicago wind is no joke.
Lauren: YOU'RE TELLING ME. Actually, the wind wasn't too bad at the game. I think we got lucky and sat on the correct side of the stadium. That said, I still couldn't feel my toes or hands, but who needs those anyway?
Makeda: The tips of my gloves got so cold that they stiffened enough for me to be able to work my iPhone without taking them off. My point is: you don't need fingers or toes.
Lauren: That is horrifying and awesome at the same time. I kept wanting to take more pictures for you, but to do so, I would have had to remove my mittens and only wear gloves and handwarmers. I did that once to check my fantasy score and literally shrieked out loud at how awful it was. My point is: I only have one picture for you. Love me anyway.
Makeda: It's a pretty great picture, so I'll allow it. OH, I forgot a very important part of my and Laura's strategy for staying warm: pregaming with Angry Balls. A double shot of Fireball in a glass of Angry Orchard hard cider. We had three before heading to the Linc. And a Fireball shot.
Makeda: IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. It was also nearly the last day of my life, since Laura and I called literally the last Uber left on the road to drive us to the stadium.
Lauren: I hope by "Uber" you mean Santa's sleigh, because I can't imagine another safe way to get to the stadium in that snow.
Makeda: Nope. I mean an Uber black car. It cost us $76 to go 4.5 miles. I thought the car was going to spin out at every stoplight. Word of advice to the City of Philadelphia: when they are calling for snow, even "light snow," salt your damn streets. But we made it!!
Lauren: You are a true dedicated fan, Makeda. I'd even go as far as to call you a fangirl, but that's a conversation for a different day. So besides the fact that the Eagles won (I'm glossing over that because IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY), how was the game?
Makeda: LeSean McCoy is a god among men. Retiring my Jackson jersey to start wearing #25 is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. And if you're wondering if Philly fans are as bad as their reputation, the short answer is yes. People were pelting players with snowballs for basically the whole game. Our friend Elicia lives in New Orleans and misses the snow, so she asked us to make her a snowman. A security guard saw us making the snowballs and threatened to eject us from the stadium if we threw them at anyone. She wasn't buying our snowman story, even though it was true! Look how cute he is!!
Lauren: He is a cutie! I would have assumed you were throwing snowballs too because you're an Eagles fan and you Eagles fans are crazy like that. Please note that I'm being somewhat polite in my insults because I don't want to offend you so much that you don't give me my Christmas present.
Makeda: It's a pretty sweet present, and I’m still not totally okay with the fact that my hard-earned money went towards the purchase of such an item.
Lauren: "Hard-earned money"? We’re having this conversation while we're both at work right now.
Makeda: Well, the one hour of work that paid for said present was a VERY strenuous one. You should include a picture of your present in your post next week, so people can understand what on earth we're talking about. Then we can end this digression and get back to what's important, which is that my Eagles won and your Cowboys lost in the most glorious implosion I've watched this season. I watched it from the comfort of a hotel room with the thermostat set to 72*. What was it like to see it in person?
Lauren: I HATE YOU SO MUCH, MAKEDA KEFALE. I'm going to start off by defending Tony Romo here because I know every single person that watched the game is trying to blame it on him, BUT IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. The Cowboys have zero defense. ZERO.
Makeda: PREACH, GIRL. (I can always get behind a shitty Cowboys defense.)
Lauren: The Cowboys D is hot trash – literally a pile of trash on fire.
Makeda: But not on fire enough to keep you warm?
Lauren: No, but we did talk about lighting trash cans on fire, homeless style, to warm things up. Interesting statistic: the Cowboys have allowed more than 400 yards five times this season. No other team has allowed that more than twice. It's REALLY hard to win a game when you allow the opposing team to just run up and down the field. Another interesting fact: the Bears didn't punt all night. Read that again. The Bears didn't punt all night.
Makeda: I mean...you went to a Cowboys game, on the road, in December. I don't know what you expected.
Lauren: I'm insane. As we walked to the game on Monday, I had the same thought: Did we choose to fly to go see the Cowboys play ON THE ROAD IN DECEMBER? Only crazy people do that, i.e. me.
Makeda: And in Chicago of all places. At least watch them lose some place you can wear a tank top.
Lauren: Miami next year, baby!
Makeda: OMG Miami in December? Take me with you! But not to the game. Gross.
Lauren: You shut you stinky mouth, only Cowboys lovers allowed. Actually next year, I'm going to London.
Makeda: SO JEALOUS.
Lauren: But maybe 2015 – that'll be the year of Miami! Anyway, back to the game. Even though we lost and even though I fell down the stairs because I couldn't feel my toes, it was still really fun. Did you know Bears fans are really friendly?
Makeda: People in the Midwest are super friendly. It's really weird.
Lauren: SO WEIRD. DC has hardened me because it was confusing. “Dan” wore his Cowboys hat all weekend and we had so many people come up to us and talk about it. But like, not be dicks. Which was confusing at first, but then really awesome. Also, there were a lot of Cowboys fans there BECAUSE WE'RE AMERICA'S TEAM.
Makeda: ………you know how I feel about that moniker.
Lauren: You know I don’t care. But also because it was the second coldest game in Bears history and people sold their tickets....
Makeda: HAHA, was it seriously?
Lauren: That's what the rumor mill said. I couldn't check to see if it was true because I just recently discovered feeling in my fingers again and thus the ability to use the interwebs.
Makeda: Fair enough.
Lauren: Just in case you weren't sure how cold it truly was on Monday, I'll give you this: BEER SLUSHIES. As in, the beer froze because it was so cold.
Makeda: Laura and I saw a guy putting snow in his beer to keep it cold. Because, you know, the 27* weather wasn't keeping it cold enough.
Lauren: There are some really dumb people in the world. Obviously I'm grouping myself in with them since I attended this game.
Makeda: Is it a surprise they live in Philly?
Lauren: Definitely not.
Makeda: Did you stick around for the Ditka ceremony at halftime or did you go inside to try to warm up?
Lauren: Go "inside"? Tell me about this magical warm inside place you are talking about.
Makeda: I don't know, Laura and I went to the Eagles Pro Shop during halftime to buy more throwback gear and it was significantly warmer in that store than it was outside.
Lauren: Supposedly there were some warming stations set up, but I think they were in the 200 level and we were not there. Cold weather is for poor people. The Ditka ceremony was nice though. People in Chicago LOVE him. I wish I had taken more pictures, but this will have to do:
Lauren: I LOVE that they retired that sweater too. Besides Ditka seeming cold, it was nice to watch what the old players had to say about him. Warmed my heart a little bit. Could have brought a tear to my eye if my tear ducts weren’t frozen.
Makeda: Awww. That’s sweet. So it looks like the moral to both our stories is: Always go south for December games.
Lauren: Always go south. OR always go to domes where weather doesn't matter. Not that we should rush to Detroit, but it did seem more appealing at certain moments on Monday night.
Makeda: Detroit?! I think that was the cold addling your brain.
Lauren: Forever cold. It's in my bones.