1. Why does Phillip Rivers look like such a douchepod? He looks like a guy you would want to beat up in school.

2. Andrew Luck looks like a caveman. Good comeback though.

3. Colin Kaepernick sounds like he's trying to pass a kidney stone when he calls out his plays. It's distracting.

4. When it was suggested to Matt Stafford that maybe he go to a quarterback guru to help him with his footwork and improve his game -- he said he didn't need a guru. Really? Who wouldn't want to improve themselves? That's the second biggest problem the Lions have after Schwartz. Well, now first.

5. Packer nation thanks the Chicago Bears organization for resigning Jay Cutler.

6. Peyton Manning is awesome. There is no way around it. Mentally = awesome. Physically = awesome. Perseverance = awesome. Skill level = awesome.

7. Eli Manning is not awesome. (Un)awesome. Awesome(less).

8. Will anyone give Tom Brady a high-five during the Patriot's divisional playoff game? Poor guy.

9. Kyle Orton should become backup quarterback in Denver. I'm just saying, with hair like that, he belongs in a place where weed is legal.

10. Alex Smith has the worst luck ever. Honestly, I wouldn't ride on an airplane with that guy.

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Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Francisco. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at Amazon.com, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook at madelinefresco.com.

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