Take a quick look at the AFC East over the past ten years. Since 2003, the Patriots have won the title 10 times. The only year they didn't win was the year Tom Brady had season ending knee surgery. That sort of says it all. Basically, the Patriots are the Empire, the Dolphins and Jets comprise the Rebellion, and Buffalo is stuck in the swamp with someone far less insightful then Yoda. Screen Shot 2014-09-04 at 7.50.23 PM

Do I get to be done with the preview now? No? Fine. I do like making fun of the Jets.

The New York Jets

Brother Twinsies!!!

Rex Ryan enters his sixth season as head coach and for once I have not heard him guarantee a Super Bowl win. Probably because your options are an aging Michael Vick and a never be Michael Vick at quarterback. I almost followed this with an age joke about Chris Johnson, but he is only 28 which completely shocked me. Of course, Rex Ryan's genius expertise knowledge really lies on the defensive side of the ball, but last year they weren't as dominant as years past. It will be interesting to see if the pieces get picked up again this year.

Prediction: The Jet's schedule looks tough, while Ryan's seat is getting hotter and hotter. I don't see how he will pull out a .500 season. A decent Jets team ends up at 7-9, while 6-10 seems much more likely.

Buffalo Bills

This team is almost as terrible as the Patriots have been successful. Don't expect that to change this year unless this turns into the year of EJ Manual and Sammy Watkins. HA, I am killing it today.

Screen Shot 2014-09-04 at 8.22.56 PM

Buffalo's division place and record since 2003.

What people do forget is that they had a top ten NFL defense last year and a similar performance is realistic for the 2014-2015 season. Doug Marrone, an offensive minded head coach, enters his 2nd year as head coach and it will be interesting if he can turn around the disaster that is the Buffalo offense. He certainly got a pass last year due to Manual's season ending injury, but now in year two it is ON.

Prediction: The only advantage of losing your division is that you get to play the other division losers. So there are some winable games on their schedule against Oakland, Cleveland, and Houston. BUT, some of those teams (not Oakland) may turn it around. Also, the AFC East is never touted as a rivalry filled division, but it certain is. They could sneak one away from each the Jets and Dolphins. 4-12 seems about right for this team.

Miami Dolphins 

I am sure you have been anxiously waiting to read my celebratory blog about the firing of Jeff Ireland. I was happy, ecstatic even, for 20 days until they hired Dennis Hickey as the new general manager. Dennis Hickey was the previous director of personnel for the Tampa Bay Bucs, not exactly the resume you want your new boy to have. Lovie Smith wouldn't even interview the dude for their open GM job. The Browns interviewed him for the GM system and were like "nah man". So no I was not excited. --- It gets worse. ---  I had a tiny bit of optimism headed into the 2014 NFL Draft until Ja'Wuan James was selected with the 19th overall selection. James was touted as a mid-second round guy, not a mid-FIRST round guy. I wonder how long before this chump gets fired. Probably another 13 years or something because the Dolphin's front office is equally as terrible.

So you probably wanted to hear something about the team as well. Now that the Phins have gotten through one embarrassing NFL scandal (Incognito-gate), their offensive line is not completely in shambles, and Mike Pouncey is seemingly done galavanting around with Aaron Hernandez, hopefully the team can look forward to an aggressively mediocre 2014 season.

Ryan Tannehill may even get to be known for more than just his hot wife in 2014. He seems poised for a bit of coming out party if he still is not sore from the 58 sacks he endured last season. The Dolphins also acquired Knowshon Moreno. At this point he is a wildcard after coming off of his best season ever... at Denver. The defense is still led by the dominant Cam Wake, a true stud at DE. He should be enough to keep them in most games on that side of the ball.

Prediction: I said aggressively mediocre at the beginning and I meant it. 8-8 seems likely, but due to a relatively easy schedule could slide into a wildcard spot in the weak AFC at 9-7.

Balancing out all of the Colin Kaepernick and Clay Matthews photos that will exist this season.

New England Patriots

We all know this team. Bill Belichick is Emperor Palpatine and Tom Brady is the fashionable Lord Vader running the show for the people. Not sure who that makes Gronk (PLEASE tell me in the comments below). They will clearly win this division, certain people think the Pats will be dethroning the dominant Denver Broncos for the AFC crown, and some folks say the Lombardi Trophy is headed their way in 2014. I am NOT one of these people. I am going to cut this one short, because we all know about the Pats and leave you with everyone's favorite gif.

Prediction: I think 13-3 is the number for them this year. Damnit.

Bonus clip --- Most of you know that I am a Manziel fan girl, but this Snickers commercial should be entertaining to most.



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