Bengals @ Ravens

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
If there's a God, She must hate the Ravens by now, right? They unveiled a statue of Ray Lewis, though it lacks accuracy since he's not standing over murdered people. I'm sure a Ray Rice statue is coming.
Jackie
0-0
I am not sold on the Ravens this season. Bengals win, also known as The University of Georgia, the NFL version.
Lauren
0-0
I think the Baltimore home pride finds a way to (barely) beat the Bengals.
Madeline
0-0
Despite it being in Baltimore, I can’t pick this team. The Bengals are too good and the Ravens have really fallen off the talent and morality platform — and stating the Ravens are losing ground on the morality platform is really saying something.
Makeda
0-0
This is an anti-Ray Rice pick. It’s also an anti-suckage pick. The Ravens roster makes me yawn. Except Justin Tucker. He'll probably be the team's lead scorer in this game. AGAIN.

49ers @ Cowboys

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
This is a Tony Romo game. He's Mr. September.
Jackie
0-0
Sorry, LSum, despite all of San Francisco being suspended, I still think they win.
Lauren
0-0
Jackie, I feel you girl. The Niners are a solid pick, but I just can't vote against my Boys in the very first week.
Madeline
0-0
Tony Romo just had surgery on a disc. The team is not good. The Niners are great. Great beats not good.
Makeda
0-0
Everyone on the Niners D is suspended or injured, which means they’ve just evened the playing field against the third-worst defense in league history. So I’m picking between Kid Kap and Romo? Come on.

Chargers @ Cardinals

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
The Cardinals are going to be good, and Andre Ellington will lead me to fantasy glory.
Jackie
0-0
I have a huge crush on this team. Please don't let me down against a reasonable Chargers team.
Lauren
0-0
I'm trying to move to Phoenix and be a Cardinals bandwagon fan, yo. If there even is a Cardinals bandwagon to jump on....
Madeline
0-0
Why does everyone keep trying to convince us that the Chargers are good? If they still have Philip Rivers, that’s all I need to know. Who could really rally behind that guy? I like the Cardinals. Plus, it’s in AZ. Home team wins.
Makeda
0-0
I refuse to get behind Philip Rivers. Or Ryan Mathews. Or DANNY FUCKING WOODHEAD. Just…no. (In case you’re wondering, my annoyance with Danny Woodhead is completely irrational. He’s a completely average player and does not deserve my ire. But hey, that’s life.)

Trash Bowl: Washington Football Team @ Texans

Pick Sideline Commentary
Allen
0-0
I think the Texans just named LSum their starting quarterback. However, it's totally possible that Watt and Clowney will break RGIII into tiny pieces. I'm thinking Texans 4-0.
Jackie
0-0
My first thought was, "So who is playing QB for the Texans?" --- google --- Ryan Fitzpatrick? My second thought was, "Who is playing for the Redskins who is not a QB?" --- google --- ________________. Texans win. Except for my boy DeSean. Love that guy.
Lauren
0-0
GOD DAMN IT.
Madeline
0-0
I’m honestly struggling with this. What a train wreck. I guess I pick the Texans?
Makeda
0-0
Who is even on the Texans anymore? [reads above predictions] Fitzy is here now?? Seriously, Houston?! I know J.J. is good, but maybe don’t spend ALL your money on a single defensive player when you have no QB. You’re making me pick the Washington Football Team. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Leave a reply

required

Current ye@r *